I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
