I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
