i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
