is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
