If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
