make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
