weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
