The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
