I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet he comes in French.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
