She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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