he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
