im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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