JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
