I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
