my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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