I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to calm my uterus...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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