I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
