I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
