Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
