Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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