she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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