I am in a vortex of obligation.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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