Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
