I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
