Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize