There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
