Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
