mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize