my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
