i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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