I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
