I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
