He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
