You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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