Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
