Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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