it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think my moral compass just broke
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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