brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
