I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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