So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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