You can't special order awesome
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
