A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
