i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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