a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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