I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
