When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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