I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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