I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
