this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
