nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
