I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
