dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
