Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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