like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
