Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
