Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
