It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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