i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
