Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
