We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
