according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
