This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
