You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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