Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
