Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you will always have a special place in my vag
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
