I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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