Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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