I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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