okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
