you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
