i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
