i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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