using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
