There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
