After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
