3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
