Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
